Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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