So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
