I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
