PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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