He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
