I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
