wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
