I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
