how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
