how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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