I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
