That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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