when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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