and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
