The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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