how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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