I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
