I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
