It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
