I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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