im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
