I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
