I met the friendliest cop last night
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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