apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
