Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
