If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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