I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
