Cold hands, warm shart.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize