If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
