i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
