I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So vagazzling was a success
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
