We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
