The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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