I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
