do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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