he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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