Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
