i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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