i need an iv and a liver transplant
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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