I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
