my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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