I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
