Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
