I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
