i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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