i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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