I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
