so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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