His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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