he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
