I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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