Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize