I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
