Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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