from now on my penis is your penis
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
