You're so nebulous sometimes
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
