HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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