My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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