u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
