My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
