Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
