he shaved USA in his pubs
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
