he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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