Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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