My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
