I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He has the fingertips of a God
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