It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
