I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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