this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
