dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
