You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
