The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
