Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
