just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
