Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
