dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
