And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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