Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
