I'm lost and stupid without you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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