im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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