He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
