Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
