he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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