just come out here and I will go home with you...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
