I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
