if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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