i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
