sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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