I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
