hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
