I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
