Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
